unhappy/happy ....1 mm difference

i know a positive mind person always live happily,vice versa.

However,it is really hard for me to be happy even i really stay with people who are always happy.

i am not sure if it is because i dun satisfy with my life and would like to strive sth better.

i just feel i am not happy.

people always say we have been fortunated upon someone who live in difficulty.i know, somehow, i just can't jump out and look at where i am.

may be i will make you( those who are reading) angry cuz i seem dun love myself and bless what i have.

but to be honest, i can't right now though i know i can one day.

 

i want to bring my beloved away from this hell family.Here is just like a trap.

However, sometimes, i am not sure i can do it by my own.Without god, i am nothing at all.

am i lose?

over 20 years, what should i be ?

how can i be strong enough to face future?sxxk!